9 Reasons Why I Won’t Be Getting That Job
- On my way out of the interview I accidentally locked the supervisor’s door. I went out after him, and as we were leaving I decided to close it, out of courtesy. As it was about to click shut he yelled “Nooooooo!” like he’d been possessed by a husky demon. Then it shut. He said something about having to go upstairs and get another key and gave me a handshake that more or less defined perfunctory.
- He asked me what I knew about working in advertising and I said “I watch a lot of Mad Men!”
- My e-mail address has the word “extreme” in it but I refuse to get a more professional one out of a misguided certainty that my true boss/mentor will embrace my idiosyncratic defiance of common sense.
- He named their biggest client and I said, “Oh, they make (brand name product)! I love that stuff!” To which he replied, “No. That’s our biggest rival.”
- He asked “Have you seen our website?” and I said “I perused it.” Nervous Me may or may not equal needlessly verbose Me.
- I am assuming the supervisor had some sort of clairvoyant power and brain-searched me to discover that I have literally never used Excel in my life. Which is true. BUT HOW DOES HE KNOW?
- They were looking for math-proficient, detail-oriented, highly organized people who define themselves as type A. I am an English major who has misplaced five pairs of glasses in the past 8 months. I wish that was an exaggeration.
- My nylons had cream cheese on them. Long, bagel-related story.
- It was raining, and I brought an umbrella, and on the way out I said “Oh, good, I think it stopped raining.” He peered out the window for a moment and said “No, it’s definitely still raining.” I’m assuming that he believes accurately discerning precipitation to be of utmost importance in a suitable candidate. F-ck.
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A | A | A
I’ll rest there for as long as you’ll let me, for as long as I can.
Ask yourself, “What am I doing TODAY?”
I screw up with relationships and I mess up at work. I get angry and say things I don’t mean to my friends or people I love.
Understand that it’s not easy to hear how someone you love very much is dissatisfied with you.