5 More Things You Can Do To Make A Quiet Person Feel Bad

I hear ya.

I don't. He's too quiet.

I hope a quiet person kicks your ass for these articles.

seems like you missed the point

You should smile more. Why aren't you smiling? Or my personal favorite the command, smile!
Worst.

These lists are superb. Except for me it's more like: “5 Things You Can Do To Make a Quiet Person MAD”

well you're obviously sucking the writers dick

Not yet.  I'm hoping to impress him by responding to asinine comments though.  Check back in a week.

1. Tell the quiet person she should smile more

This also sucks when friends or even complete strangers say this to you because you have a naturally bitchy face.

well from looking at your face i'm sure he'll be using a glory hole for that.

Are you mad or something?

Ah yes, “why don't you smile, I bet it looks pretty on you.” A favorite line among creepy old men and pick up artists with anachronistic hats. Anyone who takes public transportation has probably been forced to breathe the same air as these socially inept tools. It's so uncomfortable watching a woman minding her own business not only be harassed but also be publicly embarrassed.

I've heard people say the best solution is to tell them off but I don't blame anyone who doesn't. People are fucking crazy especially when it comes to their macho pride.

Ugh #4 yes.

Really don't understand the concept of introducing yourself to a group of people you don't know. Firstly, your socially capable friend is usually so caught up in phatic catchups with said party that to burst in with the egotistical statement of telling everyone who you are is just ridiculous. Secondly, even after introducing yourself, you have to listen to each of their names, remember them (which gets more difficult depending on whether they're ethnics or not), and then shake their hand properly. And by properly I mean either like a gentleman or like a gangster, dependent on which one they're expecting you to do.

This shit is too fucking hard. What's the point in even meeting new people. They're all dicks anyway.

yeah, i don't think i've ever seen the 'smile' request/command/suggestion happen to a man!

I LOVE these articles. I think every extrovert needs to read these.

Brilliant. #4 captured the logic of the situation perfectly. I deal with all of these things at least weekly.

We're on the fast track to Godwin's Law now…

“Of course, quiet people are completely capable of introducing
themselves…”

maybe sometimes capable

no i'm not mad.. but if i were as ugly as andre i probably would be

these articles are really good

I worked in a fishbowl. People would always stop by and say, “Smile!” What? Did they want me to grin like an idiot as I stared at my monitor?

I prefer to frown when I think. It's involuntary, actually.

nice.  keep going :)

Link is broken at the top, the reference to the first part of 5 ways to make a person feel bad

thanks, fixed.

You are welcome.

A+ article again.

it's even more difficult to deflect these when you aren't actually quiet, just bored and not having a good time

Yes to #5. I have an uncle who likes to sarcastically “shush” me  during any period of silence.

Now that I'm a librarian Thanksgivings have become hell.

Reasons quiet people make other people in the group feel
bad:

1. possibility
that quiet person thinks everyone else in the group is an ass-hole/not
worth talking to. “hooray, I get so spend time with someone who thinks me
and my friends are ass-holes. I feel great about myself.”
2. possibility
that quiet person is bored. “hooray, we’re spending time with someone who
thinks we’re boring. And possibly intellectually inferior. I feel great!”
3. possibility
that quiet person is in a negative space. “hooray, I get to hang out with
someone, and I have no way of making them feel better, guess I’d better be
selfish and talk a lot.”
4. knowledge
that conversation is ‘useless’ or kind of ‘dumb’ but would ordinarily be ‘fun’
gets pointed out through contrast of quiet-person, exacerbating insecurities
within the rest of the group.
5. possibility
that quiet-person wants to be alone, and nothing the group does will make
person feel welcome. “hooray!”
6. guilt
about ignoring quiet-person due to their lack of involvement
7. realizing
quiet-person has certain expectations that are not being met by the rest
of the group, while at the same time failing to meet the needs met by the
rest of the group – clearly behaving selfishly and not contributing.
8. non-quiet
people feel obligated to work even harder to maintain some form of
conversation/interest level, and possibly feel a fear of encountering
failure.

Everyone in a group, including the quiet-person suffers from
some neurosis and/or insecurity, and for the quiet-person to feel over-burdened
in any social situation just means they need to deal with it, or stop putting
themselves in social situations.

“naturally bitchy face.” remind me to use that more often. “Oh, sorry, I  can't actually smile I just naturally look like a bitch.”

Can you just write a book of these so I can hand it to everyone I meet? Oh wait, I don't meet people, because I never go anywhere to avoid said situations. Why does everybody have to smile all the time anyways?? I seriously don't get it.

I was about five lines into #3 when I thought, “Yeah, this actually does happen to me.” 

Then I saw:  “Guys, this is Jessica.”

…scared the shit out of me.

Sincerely,

                       Jessica

P.S. I shit you not, that is my name..

Really? Your name is actually Jessica? What an absolutely insane coincidence.

“Ethnics”?  Are you for fucking real?

Patronisingly tell the quiet person how much they've 'come out of their shell' if they are ever less quiet…

Patronisingly tell the quiet person how much they've 'come out of their shell' if they are ever less quiet…

Patronisingly tell the quiet person how much they've 'come out of their shell' if they are ever less quiet…

Ah, but these concerns are only valid if the quiet person in question is usually 'normal' in their contribution to the conversation. Someone who is naturally quiet will mean none of these slights to the louder people around them, and knowing the quiet person well will reveal that they often have a great deal of respect for the people around them.

A teacher in high school pointed me out and said that I had 'angry eyes'. Everyone in class was like 'what the fart?'

I'm allowed to say it because I'm brown, yo.

basically all of these worries assume that the quiet person's actions and demeanor are all about you

I'm not saying this somehow makes these worries “less legitimate” or something, I'm just pointing it out

PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THIS STUFF TO MY BEAUTIFUL QUIET FRIEND. “Wow, YOU sure look like you're having a good time. Are we boring you? We'll leave if you want.” “No, no! I'm having a good time reallly! I'm just……….chilling?” “Really? Cause you look like you want us to leave.” etc etc

YES! either offer something, or go sit in the corner by yourself.

but we have to be oh so careful not to hurt the quiet persons feelings? people should grow the fuck up and stop being such sensitive little children.

what a stupid rule

oh lord. thank you so much for writing this. all of these things really bother me. it's good to know I'm Not Alone.

i don't really think any of these things hold true if being quiet is the person's default state of being. someone who is outgoing is just as likely to think the topic is boring or that the people in the group are assholes.

and the reason i'm not sitting in a corner by myself is because i WANT to be around people and listen to what's being said, i just don't necessarily have anything worth contributing at the time. jeez.

right, try telling that to someone who has social anxiety. wonderful privilege fail.

As a quiet person that can relate to most of these, I actually disagree with #1. Did you know the act of smiling actually releases endorphins? Just moving your muscles into that shape makes you a little happier. I tell people to smile when they naturally don't look happy, because I think otherwise they give off the wrong impression to people — that they're unhappy or angry. That just seems unfortunate for them and for those who misread their expression. If everyone smiled more, the world would be a little bit brighter and more peaceful, I think.

I like #3 the best.

Introducing people is probably one of the most important things a person should do in society.

I also really dislike “Oh, so you DO talk!” (or similar remarks) when I contribute to the conversation.

My favourite instance of this sort of behaviour was definitely my HEAD OF SCHOOL pulling me aside and asking, “Are you okay? You look sad…”

:|||||| “I’m fine.”

remark, “you can never trust the quiet ones” .. someone said that about me when i was 8 and im still not over it

my favorite is when people refer to me as “shy.” actually, i am just quiet. that’s it. i’ll talk to anyone and say whatever i feel like… if i want to. if i don’t have anything to say, i’m not going to say it. being shy is completely different. and also, i have a naturally quiet voice… not much i can do about that.

 …then what does it mean if one of your friends does #4? :o

this a stupid article no one allow to judge another person character!!!!!

You sound as if you’ve had a very negative experience with someone who deliberately acts stand-offish when they’re bored or when they’re not the center of attention, and I can’t stand those types of people any more than you can. However, this is not the case for the majority of quiet people like myself. I implore you to learn more about introversion before you make such a harsh generalization about an entire group of people.

Being quiet is not a choice to some people. But you have a choice not to treat them badly.

Two things that have happened to me: 

Complete strangers (young guys, always) used to stop me as I walked by, deep in thought. They’d   say “smile!  It can’t be _that_ bad.”  Then they’d actually wait for a response! Usually, I’d obey and smile awkwardly, then get the hell out of there.    One time, though,  I’d just had enough, and lied: with lip quivering, I said, “my cat just died.”  The guy was mortified, and apologized all over the place. 

Then, once my husband and I were visiting his (small) hometown.  We ran into one of his former (female) schoolmates, who had a friend with her. After standing around on the sidewalk for about fifteen minutes listening to them reminisce and talk about people I didn’t know,  my back started hurting and my mind was wandering while I pretended to follow the conversation.  It got really awkward for me, and I excused myself.  Later,  my husband told me that as I left, the woman’s friend hissed at her in a mean voice,  “She’s judging you!”
 What?!   Why and how would I judge her?  Why would the friend even tell her that?  I am still baffled  by that. It happened over twenty years ago — I know, I should get over it. But it’s just such an amazing example of how a person’s quietness is so often misinterpreted.  My husband, being a direct kind of person himself,  corrected her:  “No,  my wife just left because she was very bored.”  I guess I should have said that! 

I am a quiet person, and this happens to me a lot. People need to let the quiet ones be quiet, and not get offended or over helpful…the asswholes.

has it ever appeared to people who like to annoy what they call “quiet people” that they are quiet because perhaps the people they are around just talk a bunch of nonsense all day long? People love to be entertained, my personally, I only talk when something interest me. If you have said 20 words or less and already have proven yourself to be a bonified liar, then why would anyone other than another liar want to hear another word come out of your loose lips.  Most people talk so much because they bore the hell out of themselves and look for others to entertain them. ME, I am considered quiet by some, but very intellectual by many and can hold conversations, not to mention interesting ones for hours at a time with interesting people. Lots of people in this world are so miserable with themselves that they have to take the focus off of them because they are miserable and have many problems and put the spot light on someone whose perfectly content minding their own business. What a shame. All so called quiet people may not agree with my view of the “miserables” bit coming from this so called quiet person, its a darn fact.

For some quiet people, being in a group is not the problem, the things that comes out of some people mouths who just don’t think before they speak is the problem.  People begin to lie when they run out of unimportant things to talk about.  How fashionable it is these days to lie. When they are done lying about themselves, they begin to lie on others. “what fun” not!

Its a shame to think someone will go out of their way to make someone who is comfortable being quiet uncomfortable so that they can be comfortable. I can be quiet or I can be talkative, depending on my surroundings. People just lack the attention that they need to feel special or noticed, when quiet people are pretty secure within themselves and don’t require special attention to feel like they are somebody.

thats a shame, because people only distrust others when they can’t trust themselves.