Top 10 Humans to Imagine Making Really Loud Whale Noises

Dec. 9, 2010
Tao Lin is a writer living in Manhattan, NY.

1. Harrison Ford (b. 1942)

Harrison Ford is an American actor who traveled to Los Angeles in 1964 “to apply for a job in radio voice-overs,” according to Wikipedia. Imagine him suddenly making scarily loud whale noises on the set of The Fugitive during the second take of an important chase scene while running toward a closed door.

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  • jordan castro

    gucci mane, sweet

    laughed out loud ~5x while reading this, twice I think re brandon

  • http://twitter.com/t_baugh Travis Baugh

    when I try to imagine whale noises they never seem like they could be “shocking” or “scary” even if they were “really loud.” seems like whale noises are inherently “calming” or “comforting” like you would hear them in the background as you walk around an aquarium at night with someone you like and then you see two whales swimming together in a very large tank and it is like a metaphor (or a simile?) for your relationship and then you hold hands or something. also seems like an aquarium wouldn't have whales, they're too big and endangered, they'd probably have dolphins.

  • elaine

    hehe

  • Justin Timberlake

    dude i just got home from community college and LOL'd in front of my mom as i ate rice trying not to spit it out. for each one i assume it is not going to be funny but then once i take a moment to visualize the whale noises it gets really funny.

    i imagine everyone on set at harrison fords movie looking around at each other feeling extremely confused and awkward as to why this legendary actor is making scarily loud whale noises.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    interesting

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    are there black whales

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ hbgwhem.tumblr.com

    I once told a friend that I thought Lea Michele (of the popular show Glee) looked like a whale. The comment wasn't about her body, just that I thought Lea Michele's head looks exactly like a whale's head. My friend told me it was a 'crappy' way to describe Lea Michele then starting making allegations I only made the statement because Glee runs opposite a show I really like on the CW11.
    It would help me out a lot of Lea Michele would make whale noises in a strip mall parking lot while she attempted to locate her car. I think I would probably earn me a pretty sincere apology from my friend.

  • Brian

    There monomaniacal sonic waves can be heard underwater. Brad Pitt's especially.

  • mario

    i think last year in english class my journal entries had a style and tone that seems almost identical to this. i feel like i [something related to gaining a lot of money/internet fame].

  • jordan castro

    http://www.myspace.com/blackwh…

    they have a song called 'books on tape'

    have been thinking a lot about how i'd like a band called 'the midgets' in which every member is a midget but plays regular sized instruments. imagining them saying 'hey, we're the midgets'

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    interesting

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    interesting…

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    This is a really funny article.

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol…

    big time…

    seems to be garnering ~paragraph long comments, sweet

  • http://twitter.com/jamesyeh James Yeh

    Obama and Ben Blum sightings. Sweet.

  • Belgiangirl

    The Oprah one was on point, she would really do that!

  • bahbahbah

    i think most people would say “i appreciate your humor”, but when reading i felt like you were appreciating my humor, which was so nice of you.

  • miriam

    i thought that this was going to be an article about how the top 10 humans of the world are planning to get together and fantasize about making whale noises.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • stan

    imagine a whale on mushrooms

  • nhat

    feel like all animals are naturally tripping balls all the time.. thats why they don't get severely depressed like people

  • nhat

    i read the first three of these, googled 'whale sounds', then read the last seven to the blissed out healing tones of whalesounds. com. actually can't tell if the whales recorded are blissed out or severely depressed… seems like warbling/roaring/clomping/trumpeting are characteristic sounds of both emotional extremes. great job tao, this may be my favorite thing you've ever done… honestly feel like imagining famous people making extremely loud whale noises could help ~67% of people to feel happier/more content on a day to day basis/boost libido by a surprising degree.

  • bahbahbah

    thanks

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    seems accurate

    sweet…

  • http://www.tommypkeane.com Tommy P. Keane

    1,2,3, and 7: Perfect Buildup.

  • Bigballz

    omg community college

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