Tobacco Executive Has “Had Enough”

Tobacco Executive Tony Malroy, who controls the Benson and Co. Conglomerate – an entity that encompasses countless brands of cigarettes – has spoken out on unfair prejudices against cigarette smoking.

“We’ve decided that we aren’t going to take this lying down anymore,” he said in a recent interview with Amnesty Magazine. “Cigarette smokers are becoming increasingly frowned upon in today’s society, and cigarettes themselves – well, most people seem to be outright disgusted by them.”

Malroy’s attempts to increase public awareness include the creation of ‘Smokers – We’re Ok,’ a dynamic musical group of tobacconists who will be touring primary schools across America next month. The group includes “Baccy” an anthropomorphic cigarette, and “The Doctor,” a villainous old man in a lab-coat.

Benson and Co. has also made plentiful donations to The American Fun Run Initiative – an event designed to get young people fit – and, though the charity accepted the money, they refused to publicly acknowledge Malroy. “It was like a slap in the face,” he recalls.

“For obvious reasons, life hasn’t been easy for us these last few decades. Not only do these prejudices make our customers feel like outcasts, but it’s bad for business.” Tony was unprecedentedly candid, admitting that Anti-Smoking campaigns were having a detrimental effect on his health.

“I’ve been told that I have high blood pressure,” he said, “And that I am increasingly in danger of suffering from stroke, heart disease, and cancer. That’s the sort of stress they’re putting me under.” To combat his failing health, Tony has been following a strict Yoga regime.