Tobacco Executive Has “Had Enough”

Sep. 4, 2010

By HJ Christian info

HJ Christian is a musician and freelance writer.

Read more »

Tobacco Executive Tony Malroy, who controls the Benson and Co. Conglomerate – an entity that encompasses countless brands of cigarettes – has spoken out on unfair prejudices against cigarette smoking.

“We’ve decided that we aren’t going to take this lying down anymore,” he said in a recent interview with Amnesty Magazine. “Cigarette smokers are becoming increasingly frowned upon in today’s society, and cigarettes themselves – well, most people seem to be outright disgusted by them.”

Malroy’s attempts to increase public awareness include the creation of ‘Smokers – We’re Ok,’ a dynamic musical group of tobacconists who will be touring primary schools across America next month. The group includes “Baccy” an anthropomorphic cigarette, and “The Doctor,” a villainous old man in a lab-coat.

Benson and Co. has also made plentiful donations to The American Fun Run Initiative – an event designed to get young people fit – and, though the charity accepted the money, they refused to publicly acknowledge Malroy. “It was like a slap in the face,” he recalls.

“For obvious reasons, life hasn’t been easy for us these last few decades. Not only do these prejudices make our customers feel like outcasts, but it’s bad for business.” Tony was unprecedentedly candid, admitting that Anti-Smoking campaigns were having a detrimental effect on his health.

“I’ve been told that I have high blood pressure,” he said, “And that I am increasingly in danger of suffering from stroke, heart disease, and cancer. That’s the sort of stress they’re putting me under.” To combat his failing health, Tony has been following a strict Yoga regime. TC mark

Image via

Tagged , , , , , ,

Bookmark and Share

10 Comments

Add Yours »

Cataloged in

Text Size:

A | A | A

You should become a fan of Thought Catalog on Facebook here.

  • tracy morgan

    first

  • tracy morgan

    also i can't tell if this is a parody, someone please tell me if it is or not

  • transformers2

    WOWWWW Dey r really doing dat?

  • Knox

    joke obviously

  • Greensleeves

    You moron.

  • http://disrespectfultone.blogspot.com/ Daniel Schealler

    This could have been cross-posted at the Onion.

  • harmonica1

    top quality stuff!

  • harmonica1

    good god, man

  • http://disrespectfultone.blogspot.com/ Daniel Schealler

    Aww, c'mon. Be generous and chalk it up to a legitimate Poe effect, wouldja?

    It was an honest mistake.

  • harmonica1

    ok, I'll give you this one.

Recently Cataloged