How to Make Friends and Convince Them You Are Someone Fun and Not Insane and Worth Inviting Next Time

wow. this is so sweet.

megan boyle is the lorrie moore of my RSS feed

sweet

typing this sentence because it keeps deleting when i type only 'sweet'

Feel like this explains why I have no friends. I kept thinking “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” the entire time I read this.

do you know stephen tully dierks

same middle name

nice job, megan. i particularly like the last two sentences

That part about the rock is totally true and it really works too.

I don't. Should I try to know him?

he is one above you in this comments section

same last name, seems interesting

Alright, I am going to try and “befriend him” with “How to Make Friends and Convince Them You Are Someone Fun and Not Insane and Worth Inviting Next Time” in mind.

Not too many rocks, and not crack rocks. Unless that is what grounds you.

Hello. I am Julian. We have the same middle name.

Going to do the rock thing

Hello Tully. I am also Tully. Tully

kinda concerned re how much denim is too much denim

Hello. Yes. Hi. How are things?

Would like to know other words that shouldn't be included in text messages.

Last sentence makes it all seem 'okay'

like is “too much denim” measured temporally or by a ratio of denim/not-denim in a single outfit

Nice to meet you. So I hear you are from/live in Chicago via google. Only been there once and it wasn't great. How do you like it?

hm. think i was just thinking of an entire outfit where the dominant fabric is denim, i.e. jeans and denim shirt + jacket. have also seen people wearing stuff like this and it looks okay…

sweet

grounding ass crack rocks…

thanks stephen, sweet

:)

this article has become a tully hot spot…sweet…

the tully connection

sweet jordanobscura, sweet

sweet

sweet bro

They are decent I guess. Could be worse. I am gearing up to go on tour. How about yourself?

I am not sure how this happen. Sorry?

seems sweet…'tully hot spot'…hehehe…grinning…

You & Tao should do “Crack” for MDMA next.

i replied to this but it got deleted…

think essentially i wanted to say 'sweet, madison' and that 'pap smear' should also not be included in text messages

seems complicated

If a friendship forms your article in conjunction with the “Tully” are the sole reasons. Fostered by Tao. Seems good. Also grinning.

If a friendship forms your article in conjunction with the “Tully” are the sole reasons. Fostered by Tao. Seems good. Also grinning.

damn. i like chicago. sorry to hear it wasn't great for you. i spent a lot of time alone/eating “cheese fix”/chugging 40s while watching indie films my first two years in chicago, but things have really improved this year. nice to meet you as well

damn. i like chicago. sorry to hear it wasn't great for you. i spent a lot of time alone/eating “cheese fix”/chugging 40s while watching indie films my first two years in chicago, but things have really improved this year. nice to meet you as well

initially read 'When people ask where you’ve been, say “Mexico.”' as 'When people ask where you’ve been, say “Mexicans.”'

lol/sweet post…

word. good luck on the road. hope you “melt some faces” and/or “incite group sing-a-longs.” things are fine, thanks

All of those seem relevant to my interests so doesn't seem to bad. I was on the southside, near an airport? Show got cancelled, promptly went to Whole Foods, got lost, eventually left. It looked nice though. How have things improved over “chugging 40s while watching indie films” and is that possible?

hehe

do you have crack

fostered, nice

good job megin!

feel sexually attracted to you after reading this……..

pretty sure yr not the president bro.. what do you mean by that? can you elaborate?

thank you jordin!!!!

lol, sweet timothy…

damn…

awkward

I know a guy…

Or, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…

damn. “Richard Chiem and 2 other friends shared link.”
internal monologue is saying 'shamwow'.

megan ass boyle

sexual ass attraction…

that is my e-mail address

i'm the president bro…

i feel confused

i'm the president…

lol

helpful

ass sex boyle…

I enjoy everything you write. Blacking out while cooking is fun. It seems the things that would make people 'like you' seem less 'attractive' to friendship compared to the things you shouldn't say. Like not showering and sleeping forever seems awesome. Texting 'clitoris'–awesome. I loved–”Do not scream in the Arby’s drive-thru line when you realize that not only will you die alone, you’re no longer hungry.” Currently I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs, pummel my own face, do some sort of drug that would temporarily make me not exist, but then exist later because I want to exist.
And poetry!! No one has every made a friend or gotten laid by writing poetry. You give poetry to a girlfriend after at least 6 or longer. You do not admit you write poetry.

i like this it makes me just not want to bother

An Obese comment. I suck

you just won me over.

'shamwow, megan boyle'

yea, I read like three lines and considered replying w/ “cool analysis, bro”

wtf, don't encourage him to smoke crack

Ok so this is fucking amazing. I read it more than once so I could re-experience its kickass awesomeness. There aren't any lines in it that suck.

damn, sweet, thanks jeff

sweet…maybe…

;)

it's all good brian

feel appreciative of long comments, seems flattering

i'm glad you like things i write

“Currently I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs, pummel my own face, do some sort of drug that would temporarily make me not exist, but then exist later because I want to exist.”

nice…

sup crispin

sweet…sweet asssssssss

castro ass sex ass castro

;)

great ending

no one likes people who write poetry.

Dear Megan,
I was going to see some people today that I have previously been close friends with (one in fact was an ex-girlfriend) but now do not see them all that much.
I felt nervous about the sort of impression I would leave on them after my visit, so I read this article in preparation.
It helped me immensely in my interpersonal skills and damped any lingering 'social anxiety' on my part. It went so well that they even invited me to their New Years Eve party, which I am still undecided about attending.
Thank you for your help Megan and making me a more well rounded and sociable individual.

grammar… dying. wish i could edit this.

“damped” = dampened.

You are awesome. This is gorgeous.

wow. sweet

Megan Boyle makes me happy! “When people ask where you've been, say ” Mexixo”. Love!

i thought this piece was by tao lin at first and thought “this is surprisingly succinct and determined for tao. then i got to the ending and thought it was totally amazing but turned in a different direction unlike tao might, then realized it was by you, and then the feminine commentary made sense. totally fucking amazing. but does this piece apply to dudes? no.

if so, re: “do not write poetry.” i am totally fucked.

but srsly “sweet” (right?)

How successful is this rock technique in preventing dissociation?

you remind me of me but you do it better and you're female.

this story is so funny. i really really like it. so clever. feel there is totally a send-up of women's magazines advice going on here, and the tone is dead on. lol “get interested in something” “exude not milk makes me gassy.” the light touch of women magazine girltalk misogyny. . . i mean the tone is right on. its not awful even.

i do all of these things. i'm not kidding. is that sad? oh my god. gah.

as in i do the opposite of what you're telling us to do… oh lord

i literally loved this article. i am getting married to it very soon. also i felt actually physically ill after reading so many “sweet”s in the comment section. i don’t even know how that happens.

This is tied with “How to Be Alone” for The Most Beautiful Thing Written On Thought Catalog (That I’ve Read So Far). I wrestled for some time with the decision of which essay to post this comment on. Sometimes my boyfriend is lying behind me on my bed and when he asks when I’m coming to bed, I tell him “In just a sec,” wait for him to fall asleep, and read Thought Catalog or short stories for hours. I’ve read this piece at least two times before. It always makes me feel slightly less alone. When I was dating my first boyfriend, I kept a rock in my pocket for parties so that I could hold on to something. When he broke up with me, I buried it in some dirt outside my favorite Thai restaurant. The Thai restaurant is not a symbolic place for me, just a very convenient place to bury things. Thanks for your words, Megan Boyle! They are such beautiful things.

asd

i used to keep a rock in my pocket too. i have no other new comments to add other than i really like your writing and what you do with words.  people who say that the english language is dying because of the internet should read what you have written. and that tao lin guy, who i’ll pretend not to know about or like because i get the impression from the fact that you referred to him by his first name that you two are dating or something and i’m jealous because at this point i’ve been sitting in my room for a few hours drinking wine i took from my basement and i’m in my parents’ house but don’t live here anymore and just returned from a trip to another city that was pretty underwhelming where i saw a lot of old friends who aren’t that friendly anymore and got rejected by some old girlfriends and felt like an overall loser except when i was driving back and watching the sunset.

also one part of this story that i can relate to is accidentally alienating people shortly after i meet them by telling them stories which lead them to form snap judgements. 

I really enjoy your writing. You’ve definitely written some of the best of the best articles on Thought Catalog.