Drugs I Will Never Try
The Kind of Person Who Does Them: Bearded men who believe in conspiracy theories. Earthy chicks who buy organic and have an appetite for enlightenment.
Why I’ll Never Do It: Of my group of friends, I’m probably the only person who hasn’t tried ‘shrooms. I haven’t ingested fungi, danced in a meadow in Santa Cruz and felt like the sun was speaking to me. My main beef with ‘shrooms is the whole “hallucination” thing. Call me cray cray but I don’t think it’s fun to see things that aren’t actually there. I have trouble seeing real people like Heidi and Spencer Pratt without having a nervous breakdown so I doubt seeing the wall move and turn into different shapes would be fun for me. I’ve also heard about people having bad trips and feeling like they’re being dragged to Hell. No, thanks. I’ve been to Hell and its called Christmas with my family. I have no desire to go there twice a year.
A | A | A
Your crush can sense your increasingly-frenetic desperation, and now has gone from the “They’re a cool friend, but I’m just not really interested in being romantically involved” stage to the “I cannot be alone in the same room with them, they’re going to harvest a lock of my body hair for witchcraft” stage.
I think women are less funny, but it’s not their fault. The audience at the festival didn’t laugh at jokes coming out of female mouths because those jokes were less funny.
3. Pretending to be “normal.”
“Real Life,” despite being the name of a recent facebook album, is decidedly a thing.