Bravo to Change Name of Real Housewives Series to Crazy Bitches

That’s what the headlines should say, anyway.

Last week, two reality shows kicked of their summer seaons. One program is about a trashy group of unemployed layabouts who do nothing but gossip, drink, and plan their outfits, and the other is Jersey Shore. That’s right, The Real Housewives of Washington DC is officially the nastiest show on TV, which says a lot when Snooki has just been let out of her cage and Ronnie is running around calling women the C word. But somehow it’s happened, and changes need to be made.

First of all, the name’s gotta go. There’ve been over 10 seasons of Real Housewives – in California, New York, Idaho (I think?) – and not a single woman in all these years has been plastic-surgery-free. Calling these ladies real is like calling Whoopi Goldberg a journalist. (Too much?)

Tareq Salahi

“Captain of the US Polo Team”

Bravo’s Housewives was originally posited as a real alternative to Desperate Housewives, but believe me, some of the nonsense these broads toss around has a lot more fiction in it than anything cooked up on Wisteria Lane.

You mean to tell me that Tareq Salahi –– the husband in the famous White House crashing couple –– is actually the captain of the US Polo Team? Yeah right. Either you made up the team or you made up the title, I’m not giving you both. I saw him play polo –– badly –– and it was in a dirty field with 20 people watching. Does that strike you as terribly “Real”?

Michaele Salahi

Now let’s discuss this Housewives business. These woman are not housewives. Most of them, in fact, aren’t even wives. Much of the cast is usually single, and the ones who are married look like they just picked their guys up at the Tubby Bald Entrepeneur casting call. I’m not sure they’re real humans. And there is certainly no housewifery going on. The women eat salad, go to functions, and occasionally get dating advice from the young actors they’ve hired to be their children.

Brian Donovan

They bear about as much resemblance to a Real Housewife as I do. (And I don’t.)

So what to call this show then? After great consideration, I offer “Crazy Bitches.” We watch the show to see high-strung entitled women say catty things to each other, so why not embrace it, Bravo?

On the season debut of “The Real Housewives of DC”, a creepy lady told Michaele Salahi, through a weird designer emissary, that she thought she had an eating disorder. Crazy and Bitchy, check and check. Michaele Salahi laughed when she heard the news and told the designer how much she loved him. Crazy. Then she squealed, passive-aggressively, “I’m SO happy everyone’s so interested in MY health and well-being.” Bitchy. It’s great TV Bravo, but come on, let’s tell it like it is.

The newest episode of Crazy Bitches airs this Thursday at 9pm. Watch it. Don’t worry, you can always catch the Jersey Shore rerun at 10.